4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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