Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
