sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
