In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
