I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we're so committed to being not committed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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