Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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