It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
