how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
