Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
barbara walters just said penis...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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