Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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