we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
