I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
