I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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