Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dignity is for republicans.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
