I'm gonna have a badass scar
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
