so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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