My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
