Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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