We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
