Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
