he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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