Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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