Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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