Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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