Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
