I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
