Your face is a jimmy john
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
