Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
