Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My bed smells like the plague
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
