i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
