If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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