oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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