I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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