I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
