i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
