I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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