This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He better not be in your backpack
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
