Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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