why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
