fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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