I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
