Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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