His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
