can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
