My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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