He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
