my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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