i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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