i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
