this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
